all the lonely people

i am poor at all that gives me passion. loving my hunny, loving my family, loving my friends, business, guitar, poetry, philosophy, reading, psychology, mathematics, writing, speaking, loving God. so today, for some countless days, the fire in my heart is out. time blurs past my well and the tears are at the cusp of my nose.

i am confused, hungry, poor, and lonely. i am so tired that i cannot sleep. i dont know who i am, who i want, what i want, or what i believe. i dont know where i was, how i got here, or where im going. i know where i want to be.

i want:

• my father to be alive
• my mother to be healthy
• to never procrastinate
• my family, friends, and God to be proud of me
  
• security
  
• to be a better servant
• to be a better leader
  
• my hunnybunny back
• her to be 19 or 20
• an MBA
• one billion dollars
• to be closer to God
• to never tell another lie, not even a small one
• everyone i know to know my deepest, darkest secrets
• i want them to not care about them
• my business back
• to be better at the guitar
• to be on time every single time
• a better knowledge of religion, music, wine, food, film, and history
• to be a great driver and mathematician
• to help people all over the world
• to never be pressured into doing something
  
• a second chance
• love
• warmth
• freedom
• direction
• happiness
• accomplishment

how am i supposed to get any of the things i want when i am so, so tired.